I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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