Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize