That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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