I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
