I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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