my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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