I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
