I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
that is very illegal...i love you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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