We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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