just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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