Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
