I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
