why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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