Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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