8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
