did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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