1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
pray to the hookup gods
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
