How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
