She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What drink are we having for lunch?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize