found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize