i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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