guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
