Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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