You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
