I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
