the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
