i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
