if you like me you must not know who I am
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
