im six kinds of drunk right now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
