i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
