I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize