I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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