life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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