god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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