i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
