Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
