Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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