Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
