The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
