Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
