Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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