STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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