Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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