drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
