Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
