apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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