do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
