If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
