dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
