So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
