I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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