Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
