i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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