Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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