two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
