I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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