she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Rumble strips road head = magical
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
