Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i think i just lost a toe
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
