dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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