When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
