If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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