Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Duck Duck Cougar?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
