Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
