im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
