I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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