Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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